Hi beautiful people.
I wanted my next update to be finishing off that series! But I’m just not there today.
and on the heels of Canada’s thankful holiday it still felt apt to share this message today, so here’s a short note from me to you.
Today is a bad day for me.
These happen sometimes. My brain isn’t perfect. In fact, it often fails to work the way I would like it to. It’s a process, accepting this “me”, acknowledging that I may never be as “successful” as I once dreamed.
That’s a particular definition of success, mind. The one with a PhD and a nice care and a pretty house with a family and good social standing in my church. Where I pay off my student loans and have money in the bank. Not wealthy, necessarily. But not worried about taking care of things, either.
I’m not saying I may never have any of those things. But I am saying, honestly, realistically, that I may never be able to hold down a job that requires me to work 9 to 5.
and I’m just trying not to beat myself up too much for that reality.
I’m okay. I don’t want anyone to read this and worry. I am not ~at risk~. And I am grateful for that.
I’m taking it slow today. I’m at the point where I am literally going to reward myself with a latte. What is that latte a reward for? Going outside …. to buy myself a latte. It’s a little circular, but this isn’t a philosophy exam. This is my life, and I’m just trying to get through it.
I have a church commitment tonight I may or may not make it to. I have school goals I’d like to reach. Work things that need to get done, and work things it would be nice to get done.
So I’m packing up my laptop and I’m going to try to accomplish some of those things, with a nice coffee in my hand.
But if I don’t make it, I’m at least going to try not to expend energy hating myself for not doing those things.
I hope wherever you are today, you remember to be kind to yourself, as I am trying to be kind to myself, today.
It’s not much. But it’s also a lot.
Take a deep breath, beautiful people. Check in with yourself. Try to eat enough. Drink lots of water.
And be kind to yourself.